Dear Uncle Jay:

When I tell my mom I like Jamie-Lynn Spears or Vanessa from High School Musical or Hannah Montana, she says they are bad “role models.”  What does that mean?  I don’t get that because they’re not even models.

Dear Carla:  A role model is somebody you admire and want to be like when you grow up.  Your mom is worried that you might want to be like Jamie-Lynn and get pregnant at 16, or you’ll make naked pictures like Vanessa, or be like Hannah Montana and find yourself related to Billy Ray Cyrus.  Tell mom you’re thinking about liking Amy Winehouse and she’ll leave you alone.

Dear Uncle Jay:

All the girls in my class say a woman can run a country better than a man.  What do you think about that?

Dear Kennedy:  Well, it’s hard to imagine the world being run any worse than it’s been by men.  America hasn’t tried it yet, but many other countries have had women in charge.  In general, the results aren’t very different, so don’t get your hopes up.   But we should all look beyond gender when choosing a president … search for other qualities like leadership, organization, and the number of times they can say “change” in the same sentence.

Dear Uncle Jay:

What the heck is a “caucus?”

Dear Richard: A caucus is a green plant that has sharp little spikes on the outside, but drinkable water inside.  It grows mostly in deserts.  But it doesn’t grow in Iowa, so in that state it’s a word that means “toy election.”  Iowa’s toy election is just like a real toy, because (a) it’s oversold on television until you’re convinced that it matters, and (b) it’s quickly forgotten when the TV starts telling you the next thing that matters.  

Dear Uncle Jay:

My dad really likes Joe Biden.  He calls Joe “the smartest guy in the room.”  Dad even gave him some money for his president campaign.  But now Joe has dropped out of the race.  What happens to all that cash once the “smartest guy in the room” is no longer running?

Dear Dee:  Perhaps Joe takes all that unspent money, charters a jet to Hawaii, caters a giant party for all his buddies, and raises a glass to the dumbest guys in the country.