This week’s news was as tasty as a a finger-lickin’ good bucket o’ rats! Uncle Jay explains why. (more)

Dear Uncle Jay:

When something big happens in the news, like the mess in Pakistan or the CIA tapes or a big natural disaster, everybody issues a “statement.”  All the candidates do it, and President Bush, and preachers, and other countries’ leaders.  They all put out a “statement” about every big event.  How come?

Dear Christopher:  Sure is annoying, isn’t it?  Especially when every statement is always something like, “This event proves how right I’ve been all along and how everybody should just do what I say.”  No matter what happens in the world, good or bad, all the statements say that.  If someone ever puts out a statement like this: “This event has made me realize what a doofus I have been and I take back everything I ever said,” you’ll know that person has been replaced by a space alien and must be destroyed.  Stay alert!

Dear Uncle Jay:

Why do people argue over who is going to be president when there probably going to mess every thing up anyway?

Dear Jacob:  Before I answer, I must point out that you incorrectly wrote “there” instead of “they’re.”  By the time your old enough to be president yourself, I hope you’ve learned the difference.  

I also hope you noticed that I just incorrectly used “your” instead of “you’re.” 

Now, to answer you’re question: maybe it’s true that the next president will do a lousy job and so we should just get the election over with, but the PROCESS is important.  We as citizens need to argue and vote, so that we have contributed to the mess the new president will make.

Dear Uncle Jay:

Who would make a better president, the black guy or Hillary Cliten?

Dear Olivia: Your question upsets Uncle Jay on many levels.

(1) Your description of Barack Obama, not even bothering to mention his name, suggests you’ve already made a decision.

(2) The way you’ve misspelled Hillary’s last name suggests something I’ll just leave to Dr. Ruth.

(3) There are several other qualified candidates you didn’t even mention, like Mitt Mormney; Rudy Giulianineleven; John McPOW; the hair guy; Mike Hukchristbee; Bill Mexison; and the loonertarian guy. We won’t know who will make the better president until we’ve had more chances to see them all make trivial mistakes that the media can cover instead of the real issues.